On Being a Friend
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about friendships. I'm not talking about the kind of friendship that you might have with a neighbor that you see a few times a month and you wave and smile whenever you drive by. I'm talking about the deep soul-connection that only happens when you spend time with a person. The kind of connection that ought to happen in your church and in your family.
True friends with deep connections spend good times and bad times together. They see each other at their best and at their worst. It is a treasure beyond compare when you have friends like that. Friends that love you through thick and thin. Friends that you feel safe with; safe enough that you don’t have to carefully measure every word you say. When you blurt out something stupid, they will give you the benefit of the doubt. They know you. You have history together.
Have you ever had a time where you had to change churches and were worried that you might not find that same deep connection with people that you had in your old church? Relationships that took years and many shared experiences to form. Maybe you've never had this kind of deep connection.
As I was considering deep connections, I wondered if I had friends that cared enough about me that they would hang in there through my old age. Immediately the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart this question; are you there for them? Will you continue to be there for them years from now? Are you being the kind of a friend that you want in your life?
I realized I was sadly lacking in this area. I’m usually pretty good with my husband, kids and grand-kids, but what about others? I love my friends but it’s so easy to let time slip by as I tend to more “pressing” issues. And as I do, I watch those friendships get weaker and weaker.
During this time of the coronavirus pandemic and less social connections, we might be feeling more loneliness than normal. As I was considering the questions that the Holy Spirit asked me I started wondering what I could do now to strengthen the connections that I already have with my friends. So I simply sent texts to a couple of people I haven’t seen in quite a while. I only sent two yesterday, asking how they were doing and if there was anything they wanted me to pray about. The answer I got from one of my friends shocked me. She was currently going through something that was probably one of the most hurtful experiences of her life. And she's been through some pretty tough times. She was desperate for someone to pray with her, yet not ready to openly share with others. She never told me details; only that her heart was breaking. I did not need to know the details. But I did need to pray and I did need to let her know that I would continue to pray. I'm so thankful the Holy Spirit nudged me to make connections. Without a doubt, her name came to my mind as one of the ones I should contact.
What does it mean to be the kind of friend that is able to connect on a deep level?
Be a friend that can be trusted. We need to be a friend that will not criticize or gossip when someone makes mistakes, sins or when their family members mess up. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2) “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17)
Be a friend that encourages growth. “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24) And when your friends succeed, rejoice with them!
Be a friend that helps when your buddy is down. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
Be a friend that is willing to get hurt and is quick to forgive. In any close relationship, we risk getting hurt. It goes with the territory. And it’s one of the toughest things about being a true friend. Your friends will hurt you. Your spouse will hurt you. Your kids will hurt you. The list goes on. News flash: you’ve hurt your friends, your spouse, your kids, your siblings, your parents. What do you need when that happens? GRACE! Forgiveness and another chance. Be strong enough to offer that same grace to your people.
