In the Starbucks Line

A few days ago I was unreasonably irritated with the driver in the car ahead of me. I was in a long line at Starbucks, one that snaked its way out onto the right hand lane of one of the busiest streets in town. There was a full car's length in front of him. If he'd pulled forward, I could have managed to get my car off the busy street and allow people to pass on by.

But no. He was too preoccupied to notice the situation. And he continued leaving huge gaps in front of him.

All. The. Way. Through. The. Line!!!

Aarrgghh!!!

Just seconds before this, I was weeping before my Lord, asking him to fill me with a deeper love for others. I want to be moved with compassion for hurting, needy people. For people who are doubting God. Who don't know His amazing love.

How can I be gushing with love for others one minute and so irritated the next that I want to slap someone?

The answer is quite simple. Even Paul acknowledged his struggle with this very thing.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." (Romans 7:21‭-‬23)

I can be drenched in the presence of God one minute and spiraling down into bitterness the next. The sin nature is alive and well in me, folks. Not something I'm proud of. But definitely something I need to acknowledge.

In this situation I needed to ratchet back a few notches and recognize that it's the offense I'm irritated at, not the person. Well, that's the way it ought to be. But no. I've directed my anger at a person I don't even know. Someone who has the same struggles as the rest of us.

Someone who, at that moment, might have gotten a disturbing text about a sick child, spouse, parent and was trying to process their grief while a whiney lady sat glaring at him from the car behind.

I have no way of knowing and it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I let my sin nature rule over that moment.

"When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand."

I needed to acknowledge my weakness, ask for forgiveness and ask for help. And I needed to thank God for His reminder, again, of my need for Him every moment of every day. My desperate need for His Spirit to rule in me. Without His presence and His power, I am without hope.

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence," (2 Peter 1:3)

God, thank you for the reminder that I am indeed continually in need of your help. I am weak and I can’t ever do this life without your help. But also, Lord, thank you for the reminder that your Spririt is powerful and that your Spirit lives in me giving me everthing I need to live this life you’ve called me to. Teach me to say no to self and yes to you every moment of every day.